topagraphy

(or how to be a good person)

“When you’re friends with all the fish, it helps you swim in any ocean.” 

That was the perspective shared by my friend Xico during his 44th birthday when I first entered the party. He was explaining (rather needlessly I might add, but nonetheless), why there were so many gay men at the party he and his wife were hosting. 

As a straight man (and straight Brazilian man no less), I did not expect that point of view to be shared and certainly did not expect him to riff on the ‘hetero-normativity’ of some of his straight male friends in attendance earlier in the day who were obviously uncomfortable with being around so many people in the LGBT community. It was a pleasant surprise, as I had not seen that openness in the male Brazilian community before that. 

The following day, I brought up our conversation from the night before. 

“Drunken wisdom. That sounds like something I would say. I’ve found it the best way to live my life” he said. 

Biological realities and accuracies aside from his comments, it’s one of my favorite analogies I’ve heard to help you be a better person. 

***

Early on in my travels, I realized there were generally two truths regarding the vast majority of people: 

The first is that the people you meet are rarely representative of their government, and second that the vast majority of people are simply good people who are trying to get by, live their life, and support their family. 

Even for those of us who have traveled extensively, this may seem difficult to grasp in our current global environment. No matter what country you live in, there’s a cacophony of deafening, half-baked, and aggressive views. We’ve stopped listening to each other, and algorithms and subreddits only perpetuate what we all want to know: that we are right, and other people are wrong. 

While there are some topics that I believe are non-starters and only show a person has no moral compass (which this isn’t the forum for), you should always be willing to change your perspective and views on the vast majority of topics. Life is about growth, and you shouldn’t prohibit that growth with any notions about the world that you may have today, even if it brings you internal discomfort.

***

As I look to 2025, I will do my best to meet people where I can, with open arms, open ears, and an open mind. I look forward to meeting many new people over a local beer and learning something new about the world and who I am talking to. I suggest you all do the same.